Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
