You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
