Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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