i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
