My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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