he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
