Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
