I hate your face
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
