YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
