ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
