do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
