part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
