Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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