oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
