if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
