my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
