Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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