I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
