So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
