I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
