there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
