I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
