I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i drank out of a bidet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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