I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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