did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
