His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
