wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
