Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
