is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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