Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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