thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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