All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
