im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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