ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
