I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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