I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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