period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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