the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
