He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
