I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
