If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
try to milk me bitch
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