You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
