Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
