note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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