Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
