She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
