I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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