i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
