I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
