I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
